The Importance of Consistency (BUSINESS COMMUNICATION)

The Importance of Consistency 

In all our communications, we strive to send consistent verbal, para-verbal and non-verbal messages. When our messages are inconsistent, the listener may become confused. Inconsistency can also create a lack of trust and undermine the chance to build a good working relationship. 

When a person sends a message with conflicting verbal, para-verbal and non-verbal information, the non-verbal information tends to be believed. Consider the example of somaone, through a clenched jaw, hard eyes, and steely voice, telling you they're not mad. Which are you likely to believe? What you see, or what you hear? 

Receiving Messages 

Listening 

The key to receiving messages effectively is listening, which is a combination of hearing what the other person says and his/her psychological involvement with the person who is talking. Listening requires more than hearing words. It requires a desire to understand another human being, an attitude of respect and acceptance, and a willingness to open one's mind to try and see things from the other person's point of view. 

Listening requires a high level of concentration and energy. It demands that we set aside our own thoughts and agendas, put our the world through that person's eyes. True listening requires that we suspend judgement, evaluation, and approval in an attempt to understand the other person's frame of reference, emotions, and attitudes. Listening to understand is, indeed, a difficult task! 

Often, people worry that if they listen attentively and patiently to a person who is saying something they disagree with, they are inadvertently sending a message of agreement. When we listen effectively, we gain information that is valuable to understanding the problem as the other person sees it. We gain a greater understanding of the other person's perception, After all, the truth is subjective and a matter of perception. When we have a deeper understanding of the other person's perception, whether we agree with it or not, we can have a better understanding of his/her motivation, attitude, and behaviour. We have a deeper understanding of the problem and the potential paths for reaching agreement.

 Listening

 1. Requires concentration and energy 

2. Involves a psychological connection with the speaker 

3. Includes a desire and willingness to try and see things from another's perspective 

4. Requires that we suspend our premature judgement and evaluation 

Listening in dialogue is listening more to meaning - than to words. In true listening, we reach behind the words, see through these, to find out more about the person we are interacting with. There is the semantic problem, of course. The words bear a different connotation for you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never tell you what you said, but only what I heard. I will have to rephrase what you have said, and check it out with you to make sure that what left your mind and heart arrived in my mind and heart intact and without distortion.

Learning to be an effective listener is a difficult task for many people. However, the specific skills of effective listening behaviour can be learnt. It is our ultimate goal to integrate these skills into a sensitive and unified way of listening.

 Key Listening Skills:

 Non-verbal: 

Giving full physical attention to the speaker 

Being aware of the speaker's nonverbal messages 

Verbal: 

Paying attention to the words and feelings that are being expressed

 Using reflective listening tools such as paraphrasing, reflecting, summarising, and questioning to increase understanding of the message and help the speaker tell his story 

Giving full physical attention to the speaker 

Attending is the art and skill of giving full, physical attention to another person. In his book, People Skills, Robert Bolton, Ph.D., refers to it as "listening with the whole body". 

Effective attending is a careful balance of alertness and relaxation that includes appropriate body movement, eye contact, and "posture of involvement". Fully attending says to the speaker, "What you are saying is very important. I am totally present and intent on understanding you". We create a posture of involvement by: 

Leaning gently towards the speaker 

Facing the other person squarely 

Maintaining an open posture with the arms and legs uncrossed 

Maintaining an appropriate distance between you and the speaker 

Moving our bodies facial expressions response to the speaker, i.e., appropriate head nodding, facial expressions 

Who's listening

"To listen is to move. To listen is to be moved by the talker - physically and psychologically. The non-moving, unblinking person can reliably be estimated to be a non-listener. When other visible moving has ceased and the blink rate of the eyes has fallen to less than once in six seconds, listening, for practical purposes, has stopped.

Being Aware of the Speaker's Non-verbal Messages

When we pay attention to a speaker's body language we gain insight into how that person is feeling, as well as the intensity of the feeling. Through careful attention to body language and para-verbal messages, we are able to develop an idea of what the speaker (or listener) is communicating. We can then, through our reflective listening skills, check the accuracy of this surmise by expressing in our own words, our impression of what is being communicated.

Paying Attention to the Words and Feelings 

In order to understand the total meaning of a message, we must be able to gain an understanding about both the feeling and the content of the message. We are often more comfortable dealing with the content rather than the feelings (i.e., the  relationship). particularly when the feelings are intense. Our tendency is to try and ianore the emotional aspect of the message/conflict and move directly to the substance of the issues. 

This can lead to an escalation of intense emotions. It may be necessary to deal directly with the relationship problem, by openly acknowledging and naming the feelings and having an honest discussion about these prior to moving into the substantive issues. If we leave the emotional aspect unaddressed, we risk missing important information about the problem. It is also possible that the communication process would be derailed. 

Reflective Listening Skills

 Reflective listening, or responding, is the process of restating, in our words, the feeling and/or content that is being expressed and is part of the verbal component of sending and receiving messages. By reflecting back to the speaker what we believe we understand, we validate that person by giving them the experience of being heard and acknowledged. We also provide an opportunity to the speaker to give us feedback about the accuracy of our perceptions, thereby increasing the effectiveness of our overall communication. 

Paraphrasing

This is a concise statement of the content of the speaker's Paraphrasing. message. A paraphrase should be brief, succinct, and focus on the facts or ideas of the message, rather than the feeling. The paraphrase should be in the listener's own words, rather than "parroting back" what the speaker said. 

You believe that Radha needs an instructional assistant, because she is not capable of working independently."

 "You would like Suresh to remain in first grade, because you think the activities would be more developmentally appropriate." 

"You do not want Divya to receive special education services, because you think it would be humiliating for her to leave the classroom at any time.

" You want to evaluate my child, because you think he may have an emotional disability." 

Reflecting Feeling. 

The listener concentrates on the feeling words and asks herself, "How would I be feeling, if I was having that experience?" She then restates, or paraphrases, the feeling of what she has heard in a manner that conveys understanding. "

You are very worried about the impact that an evaluation might have on Sushma's self esteem"

 "You are frustrated because dealing with Ramesh has taken up so much of your time, you feel like you've ignored your other students." 

"You feel extremely angry about the lack of communication you have had in regards to Ravinders failing grades." 

"You are upset, because you have not been able to get in touch with me when I'm at work."